“People often fall into the streetlight effect, searching for answers where it’s easy to look rather than where the truth actually lies.”

1. Struggling to Balance Parenting and Work Amidst an Overflow of Information

• “I work hard at both my job and parenting, but I feel like I’m not doing well enough.”
• “Should I have spent more time with my child?”
• “Am I unable to focus on work because I’m not trying hard enough?”

Do you ever find yourself trapped in such thoughts?

Trying to balance work and parenting often makes us overly sensitive to information.

Parenting books and online advice flood us with statements like:

• “If your child does ○○ by a certain age, they will become smarter.”
• “This extracurricular activity is essential for your child’s future.”
• “If you interact with your child in a certain way, their self-esteem will improve.”

On top of that, social media can make things worse. We see people who seem to be perfectly managing both work and parenting, making us feel like we’re failing.

This state, where we endlessly repeat unresolved thoughts, is known as rumination.

Overthinking not only deepens our worries but also weighs heavily on our minds.

However, there is a way out of this cycle.

　　　

2. “Looking for the Key Under the Streetlight“

One night, a man was searching for something under a streetlight in a park.

A passerby approached and asked, “What are you looking for?”

The man replied, “I lost my house key, so I’m searching for it.”

Feeling sorry for him, the passerby joined in the search, but despite their efforts, they couldn’t find the key.

After a while, the passerby asked, “Are you sure you dropped your key here?”

The man hesitated, then admitted, “No, I actually dropped it over there in the dark, but it’s too dark to see anything, so I’m looking where the light is.”

This parable highlights a common flaw in our thinking.

For example, when we blindly trust parenting books or social media as absolute truth, it’s like only searching for our “key” where the light shines.

But what truly matters is not what works for everyone else, but rather what fits your child and your family’s needs.

　　　

3. Discovering My Own Values

When I was in university, I volunteered at Mother Teresa’s “Home for the Dying” in India.

My days were filled with caregiving, laundry, and meal assistance—I immersed myself in the work, giving my best effort.

One day, an Australian volunteer invited me on a trip, saying, “Since we’re in India, we should travel and enjoy the experience!”

For a moment, I hesitated.

But after thinking overnight, I asked myself: “Why did I come here in the first place?”

I realized that my purpose was not sightseeing, but volunteering.

More important than what others thought I “should” do was what I truly valued.

So, I declined the invitation and continued my work at the shelter.

Looking back, I was satisfied with my decision.

Even if I didn’t experience what others did, as long as I felt, “This was the right choice for me,” that was enough.

This experience applies to parenting and work-life balance as well.

　　　

4. Breaking Free from “Shoulds” – Choosing Your Own Values

We are constantly influenced by societal and external expectations.

• Parenting books dictate, “Parents should do this” or “This is essential for a child’s future.”
• Social media preaches, “If you do this, your child will be happy.”

But the real question is: “What is truly important for my child and for me?”

To break free from rumination, ask yourself: “What can I do right now to find my key?”

✅ If a parenting method doesn’t suit your family, try a different approach.
✅ If balancing work and parenting feels overwhelming, accept that doing your best within your limits is enough.
✅ If someone else’s parenting style differs from yours, remind yourself that your family has its own way of doing things.

Instead of letting external expectations dictate your choices, focus on what truly matters to you and your child.

5. Acting in Alignment with Your Values

When you feel trapped in rumination, pause and ask: “What can I do right now?”

Then, instead of following parenting books or external pressures, prioritize your own values and gradually align your actions with them.

✅ Use parenting books as a reference, but don’t take them as absolute rules.
✅ When struggling to balance work and parenting, remind yourself of what’s truly important to you.
✅ Instead of comparing yourself to others on social media, focus on what works best for your family.

In an era of information overload, it’s important not to compare yourself too much to others and to move forward at your own pace.

You don’t need to do everything perfectly.

What matters is recognizing the effort you and your child are making, even if it looks different from others.

References

• Watkins, E. R. (2016). Rumination-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression: A Treatment Manual. Guilford Press.
• Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. Plume.
• Watkins, E. R., Ohno, Y., Umegaki, Y., & Nakagawa, A. (2023). Rumination-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression (Japanese Edition). Iwasaki Gakujutsu Shuppansha.