---

1. Trapped in Guilt

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you’re never fully satisfied?

No matter how much effort you put into work, the thought “I didn’t spend enough time with my child today” lingers in your mind.

And even when you devote time to parenting, you worry “I didn’t make enough progress at work.”

People tend to remember negative events more strongly than positive ones—a psychological tendency known as negativity bias (Baumeister et al., 2001).

When you focus solely on what you couldn’t accomplish, it leads to feelings of guilt, dissatisfaction, and self-doubt.

“Am I making my child feel lonely?”
“Am I a terrible parent for prioritizing work?”
“Am I not giving enough love?”

To compensate for these feelings of guilt, we may push ourselves beyond our limits, ultimately exhausting ourselves in both work and parenting.

---

2. Why Balancing Work and Parenting Is So Difficult

“In the morning, I’m busy getting my child ready for school. After work, I rush home to cook dinner. Just when I finally have time to talk, I’m too tired and end up snapping at my child.”

Juggling work, parenting, and household chores can feel like a never-ending performance, like trying to keep multiple balls in the air.

If you focus too much on one, the others suffer.

• When you prioritize work, you feel like you’re neglecting your child and home responsibilities.
• When you focus on parenting, you feel like you’re falling behind at work.

Psychiatrist and psychologist Aaron T. Beck (1976) called these unrealistic thought patterns dysfunctional cognition.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) addresses these harmful patterns by helping individuals recognize and reframe their thoughts.

Here are some common cognitive distortions that may unknowingly affect our thinking:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: “I must be perfect in both work and parenting.”
• Overgeneralization: “I didn’t spend enough time with my child today, so I must be a bad parent.”
• Should Statements: “A parent should always prioritize their child.”
• Personalization: “My child is in a bad mood—it must be my fault.”

When trapped in these patterns, no matter how much effort you make, you still feel like it’s never enough.

Additionally, when you believe you aren’t spending enough time with your child, you might think, “Since I finally made time, we need to make it meaningful” or “It has to be fun.”

This pressure turns quality time into an obligation rather than an enjoyable experience, leading to a cycle of frustration and dissatisfaction.

---

3. A Parent’s Realization (Personal Experience)

When work got hectic, I often had less time to spend with my child, which made me feel guilty.

One day, I came across my child’s school essay:
“On Saturday, I want to play catch. Let’s do it together!”

I felt a sharp sting in my heart and thought, “I should have made more time for my child.”

But then, something struck me.

When my child was younger, they would say, “I want to play right now!”

Now, they were saying, “Let’s play this weekend,” showing that they had learned to plan ahead.

I realized:

• “They’ve learned to wait and delay gratification.”
• “They understand the concept of scheduling and planning.”
• “They’re growing and changing, even when I’m not around.”

I had always assumed that not spending time together = failure as a parent.

But in reality, the quality of our interactions evolves as they grow.

From that moment, I decided to focus on making the most of the time I could spend together—even if it wasn’t perfect.

And strangely enough, my guilt started to fade.

Balancing work and parenting is challenging, and feeling overwhelmed is completely natural.

But children grow more than we realize, every single day.

Instead of focusing solely on how much time you spend with them, it may be more valuable to recognize their growth and adjust your involvement accordingly.

---

4. The Importance of Reframing

The same principle applies to balancing work and parenting.

Without reframing, we may think, “Balancing work and parenting is exhausting and impossible.”

But by shifting perspectives, we can begin to see it differently:

• “Even if I don’t spend long hours together, my child is still growing.”
• “Love can be conveyed through short but meaningful interactions.”

Recognizing this might help you feel less pressured about balancing both aspects of life.

A simple habit to start with:

At the end of each day, instead of dwelling on what you couldn’t do, write down three things you accomplished.

This small shift can gradually reframe your mindset and help you find a more sustainable balance.

---

5. Conclusion: Finding Your Own Balance

Even if you work hard, thoughts like “I didn’t spend enough time with my child” may still linger.

Even when you dedicate time to parenting, you may worry about work responsibilities.

Feeling this way is completely natural.

But by reframing how you view your work-life balance, you may gradually feel less burdened.

• Focus on what you have done rather than what you haven’t.
• Perfection isn’t the goal—finding a balance that works for you and your child is.
• That balance will naturally shift over time, just as your child grows and changes.

Instead of striving for an ideal balance, focus on the balance that fits your life right now.
Take it one step at a time, listen to your own rhythm, and trust that your love is reaching your child, even in the smallest of moments.

Your child already feels your love and effort more than you realize.

---

References

• Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323-370.
• Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. New York: International Universities Press.
• Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond. Guilford Press.
• Ito, E. (2022). Sekai-ichi sumizumi made kaita ninchi-kodo ryoho ninchi saikosei-ho no hon. Tohmi Shobo.