Introduction: The Dilemma of Wanting to Engage More with Your Child

In corporate organizational theory, workplaces with high psychological safety are said to have significant advantages:

✅ Employees feel encouraged to propose new ideas.

✅ They can take risks and experiment without fear.

✅ As a result, growth and innovation naturally emerge.

Psychological safety refers to an environment where people feel secure:

“It’s okay to make mistakes.”

“I can express my thoughts freely.”

“I have the freedom to try and explore.”

But how does this concept of psychological safety relate to parenting?

After a long day at work, you’re exhausted. Still, you want to spend at least 10 minutes connecting with your child.

Yet, before you know it, your interactions are filled with instructions:

“Did you brush your teeth?” “It’s bedtime now!”

You want to enjoy time with your child, but you find yourself in “management mode.”

Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself for this?

Or perhaps, in wanting to support your child’s growth, you’ve found yourself giving too much guidance and advice.

For example, when your child builds something with blocks, you might say:

“Wow, great job! You did really well!”

But then you add:

“If you do it this way, it’ll look even cooler!”

Or, maybe you feel dissatisfied with their work and end up fixing it yourself.

From the child’s perspective, this might create pressure:

“Do I need to make something even better next time?”

Or worse, they might start believing that following the parent’s suggestions is the only correct way, potentially lowering their sense of self-worth.

Without realizing it, they could lose valuable opportunities to experiment, take their time, and engage deeply in their own trial-and-error process.

Let me be clear: Parents mean well.

They genuinely believe they are helping their child by teaching them.

Development: The Power of Self-Discovery and a Supportive Environment

There are many well-known phrases emphasizing the importance of self-realization.

The key point here is that it is the child who needs to discover things for themselves.

One famous saying captures this idea:

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

No matter how many opportunities you provide, they won’t mean much if the child isn’t internally motivated.

Similarly, an old agricultural proverb states:

“If you want to plant a tree, first prepare the soil.”

To reap meaningful results, the focus shouldn’t be on immediate success, but rather on creating the right conditions.

What parents should prioritize isn’t “finding their child’s talent,”

but rather, “creating an environment where the child can discover their own strengths.”

Shift: How This Relates to Busy Working Parents

The same principle applies to working parents who struggle to balance work and childcare.

Parents tend to closely observe their child and, upon noticing even a glimpse of talent, quickly think:

✅ “They might be really good at this!”

✅ “If they continue on this path, they could succeed!”

✅ “Since they have potential, I should help them develop it!”

For example, after seeing their child running fast, a parent might say:

“You’re getting faster!” → “At this rate, you might make the relay team!”

Or, after a child helps with cooking, instead of simply saying “Thanks for helping, that was great!” they might say:

“You’re so good at this! Maybe you’ll be a chef someday!”

While these statements may seem encouraging, repeating them too often can unintentionally create pressure.

The child may start to believe:

“I have to follow the path my parents expect.”

If parents constantly offer answers for them, children may feel they must always rely on external approval rather than thinking independently.

Parents don’t need to “find their child’s talent” or “seize opportunities at the perfect moment.”

If we rush to “get it right,” we risk depriving children of valuable trial-and-error experiences.

Searching for a guaranteed path to success can reduce a child’s opportunities to experiment, fail, and learn.

Over time, the child may become accustomed to their parent making all the decisions—a habit that could hinder the development of independent thinking and decision-making skills.

A Personal Reflection: A Lesson from My Own Childhood

I vividly remember something my mother once told me:

“I couldn’t find your talent.”

She was a passionate advocate for education.

She read many parenting books, encouraged me to join various extracurricular activities, and introduced me to nature programs and different learning experiences.

She also told me:

“Just stick with something, anything.”

At the time, I thought that made sense.

If I pursued something professionally or financially rewarding, it might help me “become someone.”

Today, phrases like “life skills” and “self-sufficiency” are frequently used, but they often just reframe the same ideas my mother emphasized.

Yet, looking back, I see now that an overemphasis on structured learning and achievement can sometimes backfire.

Enrolling in multiple lessons or pushing for success isn’t always the right approach.

Conclusion: Walking Together as a Supportive Companion

In the rush of daily life, it’s natural to seek “efficient parenting.”

“How can I make the most of my limited time with my child?”

“If I can identify their talent early, I can help them succeed.”

These thoughts often lead parents to focus on “predicting” their child’s future.

But parenting isn’t about scouting for the next star.

Paradoxically, stepping back from “trying to get it right” might actually be the best way to support a child’s development.

Psychologist Hayao Kawai famously said:

“Put all your effort into doing nothing.”

This means resisting the urge to immediately provide answers and instead,

allowing children the time and space to realize their own interests.

This principle aligns with the concept of psychological safety in workplaces,

where “having a safe space to fail” allows for greater growth and creativity.

A parent’s role is not to be a “master” or “teacher” but rather a “companion” on their child’s journey.

So, instead of trying to “predict their future” or “turn them into someone,”

let’s cherish the present moments where they can explore, reflect, and discover on their own.

By doing so, we create an environment where children can develop their own path, at their own pace.

Let’s move forward slowly, steadily, and together.

References

Tanigawa, K., & Kawai, H. (2008). Accepting Things as They Are. PHP Institute.

Edmondson, A. C., Murase, T. (2021). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. Eiji Press.